I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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