I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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