Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
