Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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