Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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