oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
