You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
