Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
