Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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