yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My vagina is officially offended.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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