i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
