NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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