I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
