im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
