The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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