i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
