I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
