I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
