He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
