**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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