you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
