i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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