I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
