We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
