the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
