OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
