He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
