Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
