brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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