hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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