I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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