You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
