I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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