I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
