Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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