I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
