I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
