i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
