you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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