remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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