Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
