I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
