The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
