Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
