He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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