im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize