Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
