so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
