Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize