Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
