I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
