She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So much rum. So many feels.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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