last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
