Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
