I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
