The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
