Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
