if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
