I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
