It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
