i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
