If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
