Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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