I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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