did you get engaged???
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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