True but thats because hes a fetus.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
